My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
