imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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