I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She announced her abortion via fbk
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
