I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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