my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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