Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
