Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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