The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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