I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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