how do flat chested girls get laid?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
