Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
