I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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