can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
