I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
