i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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