Dual....:-)
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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