Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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