You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
no. you can't hotbox the world.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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