So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
