Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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