remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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