super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
