Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
