Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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