I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
