...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
