bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
