Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
