apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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