Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
