So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Houston, we have a blender
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
