The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
