Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
