Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
