Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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