I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
