Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
