Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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