planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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