zippers are such a cool invention
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
