Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
