On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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