...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
