Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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