can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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