Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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