I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
