do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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