the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How does one acquire holy water?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
