he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
