I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I need to align my fucking chakras
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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