So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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