If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
