Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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