turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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