Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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