For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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