watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
