:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
