Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Is it because I queefed?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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