Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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