So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
