we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize