I cockslap morals
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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