I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
