Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
