When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
