The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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